Love + Friendship

It is very confusing to me.. either this or that.. sometime just feel like don't want to make any decision and just keep on living but i think that is not working for me.. it may ruin my life.. I do have to make a lot of DECISION to make sure that my life do go on smoothly.. I HATE doing that.. it gives me a lot of trouble and thinking.. it makes my brain cell DIE every time i do it.. OMG .. I really hope to go back to my old time.. No serious thinking no bad feeling.. just friends... and thatS it.. Nothing complicated.. just laugh throughly and play like nuts.. and everything goes like normal on the next day..

Maybe life is COMPLICATED.. You cant do anything about it.. and it makes my life tougher.. I am sure that my social skill suck.. I don't know what is right what is wrong.. what is real what is fake.. what is the limit and bla bla bla.. it changed but still have to keep it on.. I will just try to stay with it no matter what.. coz i think this is the best solution now.. Although i have to change my real personality.. just to make my life better..

I does not have any solution more.. i think for this moment this is the best way to preserve both of this relationship.. FORGET OLD ME.. BEGIN NEW ME.. I may not have the best personality but i think this is better than before..i gain respect.. I din act like fool..i am a more serious person right now..i am not a person that will accept any over joke or bad criticize any more.. I am a tougher person right now.. I learnt to become a person that cannot be hurt.. that is strong.. and by the way they were saying that i am not as friendly before but they did not know.. being a friendly person sometime doesn't gain respect.. and i hates that.. I want to gain respect and at the same time be friendly.. but this is almost impossible for me.. I have no choice but to defend myself.. I want to be friendly but at the same moment i want RESPECT... maybe i am used to my new personality and lost my 'friendliness' but inside i am still like before .. just cannot stand of being treated like that.. So i couldn't.. I don't to be criticize just to make someone laugh and make myself like a fool.. Just be myself now is the very best solution to me...

ps: I HATE MY LIFE......