As u know Im cheerful person before,I laugh a lot,I feel happy but after for sometimes,maybe of my bad communication skill,I felt like Im not important in that group,I felt like Im always the last to be "loved"..Maybe they tot I like joking & they can make fun of me but I don't like it,But they are kind of sensitive people,Once I say wrong,there is no turning back for me,I agree that I have lot of fun when Im with them but somehow I felt tired,Tired of being the last,Tired of being making fun of,Tired of everything
Maybe I should be a more sensitive person so that they will respect me,But the main point is I can't be serious if Im with them and they will think like I jokes a lot,Btw Im not,I give jokes even though Im making fun of myself but Im happy because I wanted to make my dearest friends to be happy,I want to see their laughter.I want to make them feel like they are happy because of me
But along the way,I felt not appreciated and felt being betrayed so that I think God give me a chance to release myself from all of this,The passion to make all of them happy had gone after I was changed class,After I was joked for frequent time,Im the personnel who will be joked every time,Im the first choice to be joked & the last choice to be bring out for shopping ,outing & activities,Somehow they say Im not suitable on that day and something like that.
I want to find a friendship,a real one,a friendship that always put me at the first place,I duwan to be last anymore,Im so tired,I did not even have to mood to start being cheerful on class for the beginning of 2009 but after I got them,Im not saying they are the best,but they are the one who cares for me,who wanted to know exactly what I've cried for,They know what's happening,They understand,They are willing to spend time for me just to make me feel better,They putted me on their first place,They do not make fun of my body shape except for the boys,
Sometimes I looks like I don't care what people talking about me,But I really cares it deep in my heart.I was trying to ignore it so everything will become normal soon.It doesn't,It became worst and worst until I have no right to speak in the group,I felt badly,Im damn tired so I started to accept them,They don't make serious fun of my body shape making me full of shame,They care my feelings very well,Once I cry,they all jump in to know what's happening,
Even though it's quite annoying but I like the atmosphere,I was felt loved,cared & the main point,Im No,1,Im not the last to be think of feelings.Im satisfied with 5 sista,They gave me what I never had in my past group and they are not sensitive,They can be open to talk easily and we solve problems together,After I have 5 sista,I still have my friends,Jz that they are not as close as 5 sista.Same like Im not close to the group.There is no offense here.I hope u all understand that I also have rights to have closest friends like all of u does.Im closest to 5 sista and your not + You all are close to a group and Im not.It jz a simple equation.I do hope all of u not to ask me the same question anymore,It hurts.Thank You
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